its the week between xmas and a new year, we cant really go anywhere and we cant really keep the house clean or do many chores at home as our son cant stop moving around, unpacking, messing, screaming, repeating things over and over. it is a daily routine and joint effort of the entire family to just keep him calm enough to not be hitting walls, slamming doors and opening drawers, cupboards, tearing out pages of books. we want to make him happy so we play outside, he doesnt like it, we offer phones, ipads, books, toys, dvds, sensory toys, everything you can think of. he’s not happy, he is agitated.
i feel like every day i have cabin fever. the sun is out, others are on summer holidays, beach trips, swims, sightseeing, strolling, relaxing, adventures etc. but we arent able to leave the house. we cant even source enough of the one food he is eating this week. he says it over and over and over, we celebrate the communication but the insane feeling that washes over you when you hear two words on repeat all day long. over and over.
i want to hide and clean the house, i want to scrub walls, floors. i cant, everyone follows me, i want to have a shower. i cant. i want to have a cup of tea or coffee. i cant. i want to have a life like others, you go to places, see things. experience life. you have clear floors.
i want to make the kids and my husband happy, feel like the rest of the world. we need a break too, we need a sleep in, we need a holiday. we need things. we arent surviving. this isnt how its supposed to be. grateful to not be in hospital but sad to be stuck inside the fence and the four walls we need to keep us in.
A Journey to Joy 